


Timey Wimey Gendery Wendery

by Dark_Dreymer, gala_apples



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Community: pod-together, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Gender Issues, Genderqueer Character, Podfic, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Dreymer/pseuds/Dark_Dreymer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gala_apples/pseuds/gala_apples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times gender got a bit wibbly-wobbly around the TARDIS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Timey Wimey Gendery Wendery

**Author's Note:**

> gala_apples: I'm so glad that I got partnered with dark_dreymer. We were paired on our interest in creating transgender characters, and mutual fandoms came second. Of which there were several, but Doctor Who allowed us a lot of room to write. I'm really happy with what we created.
> 
> dark_dreymer: Ditto to the above, gala_apples was a joy to work with and I'm glad we were paired for this challenge. The fic she wrote fulfills all my feels about how awesome DW's portrayal of sex/gender issues could be if it weren't restrained by being a family show on the Beeb. This was also my first time recording a dialogue-only fic and it was a lot of fun.

  
  
[MP3](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2013/Timey%20Wimey%20Gendery%20Wendery-dark_dreymer,%20gala_apples.mp3)  
[M4B](http://pod-together.parakaproductions.com/2013/Timey%20Wimey%20Gendery%20Wendery-dark_dreymer,%20gala_apples.m4b)

  


* * *

  


“Where to today? The forests of Boon? Have I taken you to Losin? Or how about Sixteenth Century India? 1530 is a very good year, if you happen to like textbooks about flora and fauna.”

“My choice, is it? Well then, I’m thinking a fully alien culture. Not past Earth, not future Earth, or cyborg Earth, or Earth on a giant floating volcano. Not even aliens that are human-ish, like the Ood. Or, you know, the Time Lords, if you weren’t the last. Gimme full on ‘what is that organ and how many of them do you have’ aliens.”

“Ohh. So many choices. And entire universe’s worth of choices, really. Sure you don’t want to narrow it down more before I pick something?”

“A planet that would have no idea that everything I’m wearing makes me a girl.” 

“But why? Look at you, all skirt practical enough for running away, and, and legs. Very nice legs, Kromer. You’re a lovely girl.”

“Sometimes. And sometimes I’m a lovely boy.”

“Humans don’t work that way. Do humans work that way in this century? No no, humans don’t work that way.”

“Look. Just because you’ve literally spoken for the species like a thousand times doesn’t mean you speak for the species. If I say my gender is more complicated than ‘born with XX, I’m a girl’, than it is.”

“...”

“Setting the TARDIS for Compain. When you’ve got a egg sac every five inches, you only feel bad for the humans with so few protrusions.” 

“Great. Compainites or Compainians?”

Just Compain.”

“Like moose. Got it.”

***

“Hello Craig.”

“Doctor! What are you- is it Cybermen again? Because I love Alfie as much as I did two years ago, if not more, and I killed them with love last time.”

“You didn’t kill- Fine. If you insist. No, it’s not Cybermen. Wait, are you telling me Stormy is only two? I meant to come much later. But the TARDIS brought me here now, tricky beauty she is, so can I come in?”

“Er.”

“You realise that your knee-high gate is no match for my jumping skills?”

“The baby gate is for Storm- for Alfie, not for mad Gallifreyans. Come in.”

“Where are all the pictures of you and Sophie? Don’t tell me you broke up. When the Ponds broke up I was very cross and only Daleks fixed it. I don’t think you’d like the Daleks, Craig.”

“No.”

“No what? No you would like the Daleks?”

“No!”

“So no you broke up with Sophie, then.”

“No. Yes. Essentially. No.”

“Are you feeling ill?”

“Get the screwdriver away from my face. I don’t have good memories associated with future tech and my face! There are no pictures of Sophie because Scott is trying to transition. Photos are just bad memories.”

“Transition?”

“From female to male. I don’t suppose your screwdriver has a setting for that? Make it all a bit easier?”

“No Craig. I’m sorry.”

***

“This looks like a nice prison.”

“Prison?”

“Well you’re keeping me here, right?”

“Oh. Captivity. But you are new. We must. Once you have made things clear you will be free to go.”

“What things? If they’re about how we got here, you should really be asking the Doctor.”

“You came on a disguised ship, we know. It is not how you arrived, but what you are.”

“Human, mate. All human, I promise.”

“Yes, but you specifically. You are different from the Doctor. A consultation with The Book Of Explanations led us to believe you might be a gendered society?”

“Uh. Yeah?”

“How? How do you coexist when you’re not all the same?”

“This would be so much easier if I could take you to a comedy club.”

“A what?”

“Never mind. After I’m done explaining men and women you’ll let me go?”

“Is that what it’s called? Which one are you?”

“Woman, thanks very much.”

“And you need to explain it all. All of it. Only then will we let you go.”

“Great. This should only take a million years.”

“...women... are prone to... exaggeration...”

“Oh no, that is not going to be the first thing you put in your big holy book about women. My sister would murder me.”

“...the gender of ‘women’ kill their siblings as the shreelock in their nests do...”

“Do not write that down either!”

“Tell us what we must write then. Otherwise we will do it from observation.”

***

“Woah woah woah woah. What was that, some kind of Sailor Moon bullshit?”

“You can’t sail the moon. Meenia though, it’s this nice little planet in the Waxo galaxy, could practically hoist a jib bigger. Did I ever tell you about the time with the Ponds and the pirates?”

“Should have known you don’t know anime. Sailor Moon is a person that has big rays of light shooting all around her as she transforms into a different girl whose duty it is to save the world. Sound familiar?”

“Do you have any- any- relish!? I want relish and scones. I’m dreadfully hungry. Or is it the other thing? No, no. Hungry’s definitely it.”

“Doctor, this isn’t my house. I’ve got no idea where the fridge is, never mind what’s in it. Don’t you think you’ve got more things to worry about than if you feel peckish?”

“But I’m really quite peckish. And scones. Or pastries. What could be more important than scones or pastries?”

“You’re a woman now!”

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah. You are. You’ve got breasts that are pretty damn big.”

“So I do. Am I ginger yet? Where’s the mirror?”

“Still not my house. And you’re still brunet.”

“Bugger. I really hoped. I was going to buy a crimson suit to offset it. Now I’ll have to keep this one.”

“You’re a woman, you can’t wear a tailored men’s suit.”

“I am not. I’ve been a man through thirteen reincarnations and that’s not going to change. I’m a man, no matter what I look like.”

***

“Time to get dressed, Ponds.”

“Oh, costumes!”

“Yay. Costumes.”

“Cheer up Rory, maybe you’ll be able to wear a Centurion skirt again.”

“That wasn’t a-”

“Shut up, husband. It was and I loved it. You looked hot.”

“Well that’s splendid!”

My husband looking hot is splendid? Doctor I’ve always thought you liked us, but if I’d known you _liked_ us.”

“No. What? I don’t, I can’t, there are wives! I don’t care about Rory’s legs, but we’re landed on Neshall, and he’s got to wear a skirt, as have I, and you need to wear a high collared shirt. With a squiggly Queen thing, maybe, if I can find one. I should have, I’ve always wanted to be ginger.”

“Explain to me why-”

“I’ll explain if you speak three octaves higher.”

“Why are we wearing skirts and why am I talking like this? Is this a female only amazon tribe?”

“On Neshall they code with eight different genders, based on hair colour. Actual genitals don’t matter a drop, it’s all about hair. Amy’s a Fa, I’m a Ta, you’re a Sa. And if we don’t act accordingly-”

“You never act accordingly on any planet! You literally act the opposite of accordingly, at all times!”

“Rory, wear the skirt.”

“I really like this planet. But I guess we could turn around and go somewhere else. Or back to your house.”

Rory if you make the Doctor sulk I swear to God-”

“Are the Sa’s on Neshall totally whipped? Because I think I’ve already got that part down.”


End file.
